This is a somewhat therapeutic post for me. I’m writing this a few days removed from a company retreat called Elevate. Thirty individuals were selected across the company for executive training and personal investment. This event, its backdrop, the (amazing) people in attendance, and other things I’m processing in my life have put me into a bit of an introspective state in my downtime between Elevate and continuing on to Prague to visit my team there.
I am fairly regularly evaluating my own actions, thoughts, and feelings. It’s not as mechanical as that sounded though. It’s more curiously asking questions like: “Why do you feel that?”, “What did you do that for?”, or “How could you do that better?”. I enjoy this process, but I also think it’s a critical part of being a better version of myself. Of being healthy.
It’s helpful for me to define “best version” as I use it in this context. It breaks down into concentric circles of focus specifically aligned around human thriving. The innermost circle is oneself, then family and close friends, next community, and finally humankind. Starting with oneself and from that energy spreading it to others. When I think of thriving here I think of it in the vein of flourishing. A positive version of thriving that is symbiotic with its environment, community, and context.
thrive | THrīv | verb
- prosper; flourish: education groups thrive on organization
flourish | ˈfləriSH | verb
- Grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way, especially as the result of a particularly favorable environment: wild plants flourish on the banks of the lake.
So as I introspect (asking myself those questions) I occasionally stumble across a thread that needs to be pulled. These threads will sometimes have an unpredictable path through my life. Leading to unpacking various things I was not expecting. Exposing certain beliefs or habits that need to be eliminated or at least evaluated. It’s still surprising to me that one can possess many traits, habits, or beliefs that, until they’re directly inspected, go entirely unnoticed by the person (that’s not just me, right…).
A conversation I am consistently having with my kids is how to become “the best version of yourself.” The language I use with my kids here is intentional. I try, as best I can, to ensure they don’t focus on others around them for comparison. One way this manifests itself is with cross-country. My oldest two children run cross-country and they work quite hard at it. When it comes to competition though I remind them that they’re only competing against themselves. Focusing on their individual performance improvements over time. Not where they were placed among others. This has been a fruitful way to have them focus on their own thriving and it has the cool side-effect of making them faster than they would have been if they focused purely on the competition.
I’ve reflected on this “be the best version of yourself” this weekend as I process the past week. Pulling various threads and thinking through how that impacts who I want to be. I find I have a negative internal dialog towards myself. As an example, I can’t take a compliment. I think the compliment is misplaced, destined for someone who actually earned it. Naturally, I don’t express this outwardly but I internalize it. Not helpful to, or healthy of, myself, but it was something I hadn’t identified prior.
A naïve (or malignant) reading of “the best version of yourself” would allow you to think it is selfish; however, I view it as incredibly selfless. It focuses on being the best version of yourself which has an immense positive impact on those close to you. How you change yourself has the power to change everything around you.
I have certain things that I find value in that is unique to me. The best version of myself is a coach – helping others be better versions of themselves from an energy of love and not of obligation, frustration, or envy. The best version of myself is an engineer – using my skills to drive toward a fantastic outcome for my company and coworkers. The best version of myself is a friend – liberally giving my time to show up and listen and not be the center of attention. The best version of myself is a father – one that helps my children understand their place in the world and how to thrive in a world that isn’t always fair or safe.
Two main areas I see feed into all of this. Mental health and physical health. The science isn’t unclear about the link between physical and mental health123. So I am really saying the same thing here. This isn’t an essay on achieving mental or physical health, though. That journey is unique for everyone even though there are universally good things that should be incorporated. I know how important a few well-placed mountain bike rides are to my week.
It feels somewhat fitting that I started this post in my hotel in Barcelona and closed it in my hotel in Prague. I take some solace in the understanding that the journey towards being the best version of myself is not linear. It is filled with valleys and peaks, with threads waiting to be pulled and unwound. The unexpected paths and the revelations they bring are just part of the process of removing unnoticed and unhelpful traits, habits, or beliefs I hold. It’s a commitment to flourish, to prosper in the community and context I am in. The conscious effort to focus on personal thriving, not for selfish gain, but for the significant positive ripple it creates around, reinforces the importance of this. The conversations I have with my children, the internal dialogue I nurture, and the roles I embody all resonate with the journey to be not just good, but the best version of myself. The point being: the best version of myself is a continuous exploration, a wonderful journey that not only elevates myself but, I hope, resonates beyond, touching the lives intertwined with mine, nurturing a collective thriving and flourishing.