I have a tween whom, on a daily basis, fully reminds me that she has both an amazing intellect and, frustratingly, a personality like my own. Because she’s smart she has a lot of command over the English language, and won’t hesitate to use that gift to twist an statement on its side to “score points” in an argument. I mean, how dare she. That’s my move!
This frequently has me repeating the phrase, “live in the real world”, as a plea to return to ground truth. I never liked the phrasing that much. It feels like an insult unless I wrap it with a lot of language to ensure it communicates what I mean, but I recently was introduced to new, better language for this. Truth Seeking.
Not much more than those two words were spoken, but when they were, it connected a bunch of discrete wirings in my brain. Forming a complete picture. Discrete thoughts formed from childhood, throughout my college years, on into my first few jobs, and recent learning I’ve experienced as I try to be the best version of myself. I believe this concept is a powerful one.
I grew up in the deeply “religious” South. Where, at least on average, religion takes on more of a cultural practice than it does a belief system. The word “truth” is used often. “Finding truth” being used frequently, but, unless you’re from here, not as you would expect. Where “finding truth” doesn’t mean “go and seek what is real” it’s just a stand-in for “finding Jesus” (another often-used phrase). “Living in the truth” being an analog for “Admit your sex life (you sinner)!” This reality only succeeded in establishing a strong culture of promptly hiding from any uncomfortable truths. Admission of them would create an, often disproportional, amount of pain in your life.
Throughout my college years (I’m a drop-out, but I did, in fact, have a couple college years) and into my career I had (still have?) what I think is a normal human tendency. Which is to try to put on a good front. Mistakes I made I was slow to own. If blame could be shifted, I shifted it. If fault was ambiguous, I wouldn’t offer any clarity. This, also, creating a false pattern of hiding from realities. Actually being someone that sees, and admits, truth means you at times have to live with the hardship the truth brings along with it.
The first sizable moment I remember really owning the truth was when I said the words “We need to shut down the company” around a table of my friends and co-founders of a start-up we were running. This wasn’t a watershed moment for me where I just all of a sudden started seeking truth on a regular basis, but it’s the first time I recall where owning the truth created a lot of discomfort for myself, and impacted the lives of a number of individuals. It wasn’t easy because I knew the conversations that would have to follow. The fear of those conversations and of continuously admitting failure over the pending days all weighing on the balance to not say anything and bury my head.
The truth (heh) is that, at least by my moral compass, it wouldn’t have been right to hide from the truth. It wouldn’t have been kind or loving or respectful to the others it impacts. This is where the connections in my brain got made when I heard the words “truth seeking.” To be on the lookout, relentlessly, for what is real.
What is real? If you’re of a certain type, the techno-bro-silicon-valley-ladder-climbing-leader-Patagonia-wearing-type (of which I likely shamefully mimic much of this, minus the Patagonia…they don’t really make my size), then you might be like, “Yeah, call out failure when you see it. Set the bar high. Rah! Rah!” You’d be close on 33%[Citation needed] of the equation if you include that. Certainly being able to see failure or shortcoming and calling it out is a part of seeking truth, but so is seeing the good things, and communicating/admitting the truth you see in empathetic ways.
Too often people know the truth, but are too scared to admit it. This is especially true when it’s a hard truth about yourself or an uncomfortable conversation with someone. This, again by my moral compass, is no way to live well and love others around you. It is no way to be the best version of yourself.
So if I can leave you with an encouragement it would be to incorporate truth seeking into your life. Try to be someone who is honest and seeking what is real. Lead with this and help others lead with this as well. It will create deeper ties to those around you and better cultures to move things forward, improving along the way.